Amazing optical illusion

I've been away for a few days and not posting, so I'm just putting this up by way of saying that I'm back into posting from today. This is one of the most amazing optical illusions I've ever seen. It's particularly amazing because it seems at first glance to be obvious what it is. And yet... if viewed from a certain distance, with gaze maintained at the wrong focal length, and under certain circumstances it transmogrifies into something completely unexpected. It takes persistence, but it's worth it in the end. It took me ages, and some eye strain to get the effect, but if some commenters have an easier shortcut, I'd be interested. Also if anyone knows the origin of the illusion I will attribute it properly (it came to me via an email which was forwarded many times). Good luck!

Answer to the Satanic monks brainteaser

Here's the problem. Go to the comments for the solution.

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Tags: Brainteaser

One size fits all report comment

For all you teachers out there (especially newbies), feel free to use this for all your reports next reporting period. It covers 99% of the kids out there in 90% of subjects*, and it says everything and nothing at the same time (I love tautological-redundancy-repetitions in particular):

Your child has participated in this subject. Your child's results are indicative of a level of achievement. Your child has a disposition and behaviour particular to themself. These two factors were key to your child's progress in this subject this reporting period and will continue to be key for the next. It is not unreasonable to assume your child's results could possibly be improved through extra study and revision of class work. Teaching your child brings me professional satisfaction.

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* Did you know that fully 34% of statistics are made up on the spot, and 86% of people believe them? Fools! Not only this, by a strange fluke, 8% of the made up stats turn out to be true on further investigation! This means that there is a 68.72% chance that the stats I gave above are actually correct, assuming you have no way of knowing if I'm in the aforementioned 34%… 14% of you don't believe me, I know. It's a great (read: dodgy) way to win an argument though.

Tags: Education

Brainteaser - Satanic monks

Reader JM_Brazil has kindly sent in this great brainteaser:

• There's a monastery that is inhabited by Monks.
• They are sworn not to communicate with each other in any way.
• They have no mirrors, and no other means by which a monk can see his own face.
• They see each other only once each day when they all gather together for afternoon prayers.
• One day the head monk shows up to inform them that at least one of them is possessed by Satan. (The head monk can talk, obviously.)
• They are informed that if one is possessed it will be indicated with an X on the forehead.
• A possessed monk must leave the monastery.
• Day 1 goes by, no one leaves. Day 2 arrives, no one has left. Day 3, all have left.

Question: How many monks inhabited the monastery?

(Apparently the possession occurred after a visit from the Monk pictured.)

Update: the solution

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Tags: Brainteaser

Artiste de merde de vache

Since this post I’ve been thinking about how we are to decide whether something is art or not. Aesthetics has never been an area of philosophy that holds a particular interest for me (too much navel gazing), but a comment on the last post was quite instructive with regard to the criteria by which we can demarcate art from pseudo-art. There are certainly going to be grey areas, but surely there must be a point where art ends, and pointless tripe begins?

Specifically, the metaphorical use of the word artistic is quite revealing. For example, when we use the word “artist” to describe a sportsperson, such as Rodger Federer, what do we mean? Why is he artistic when he plays tennis?

I suggest that it’s because he is clever, he plays with great skill within his sport, (reaching a level that can only be reached by a select few who have trained to a similar degree and are naturally talented), he plays with great imagination and flair, and so on. Federer possesses a certain je ne sais quoi.

Surely the points listed above, if implied in the metaphorical use of art, are necessary criteria for real art? This list of qualities I suggest is specific to tennis/sport and is quite narrow. Without a doubt there would be more criteria we could add to actual art. (For example, art should generally have a recognisable point - meaning. If the meaning is only apparent to the artist, then there's not much point in exhibiting it.) I wouldn’t think that it is necessary that art fulfils all the criteria, but it should fulfil the majority to some degree.

Art doesn’t have to be beautiful and I don’t have anything against images that are shocking per se. But being shocking for the sake of it is LAME. I guess I just have a problem with self indulgent and vacuous fools who don’t recognise this quality in themselves.

Maybe I’m being too harsh, WRT demarcation? The criteria I suggest might not demarcate art from pseudo-art, but it will demarcate good art from shite. Using the sporting analogy again, we can all be artistic (to a degree) when playing sport, but the vast majority will never reach the level of a master such as Federer. Most of us are rubbish and with luck, occasionally fluke a moment of brilliance (always with no-one there to witness of course). The same can be said of most of our artistic achievements I’d bet.

The pig fetish work (see my previous post) might qualify as legitimate art, but if we accept the criteria I suggest (and I welcome other suggestions), it means it is shite at the very least. (It’s not clever, lacks imagination or flair, it has no skill and no point – unless we treat the artist’s statement with seriousness.)

This wikipedia entry is quite informative. It would suggest that much of what I’ve said is wrong, in that as long as someone believes it’s art, then it is. The unfortunate problem with this explanation for what art is, is that it necessarily rules out nothing, and therefore explains nothing. If anything is art, then everything, literally, is art. The term "art" losses utility and becomes a useless and unidentifiable concept.

Then again, if anything is art… an untalented git such as myself could be an artist - I call the artwork above - merde de vache.

We seem to be having a lot of reference to the French in our posts lately, so I have kept the trend going.

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Tags: Art, aesthetics, philosophy.

Words worth espousing - degage

This word is especially worth espousing because it is French word which is now officially (OED) also English. I love the idea of stealing French words and thus increasing the number and variety of English words ...and enhancing the precision of English vocabulary. It's particularly satisfying stealing words from the French - it is a nice double-whammy because the French are inclined to exclusionary paranoia about the spread and influence of English. So further diminishing French by stealing words seems to be an excellent response to their futile battle to ban words such as Le Weekend or Le computer. Degage means unconstrained, unconcerned, relaxed. I use it often during academic meetings when we are exhorted to redouble our efforts in order to become an outstanding institution. It is a good substitute for the Australian vernacular expression "I don't give a sh*t". It's a good substitute because it is both polite and mystifying. Especially when embedded in an actual French sentence, viz: "Je suis degage". The word has accents over both e's but I don't put them in because if one sets out to steal French words, I think it's best to remove such vestiges of degenerate French fripperies.

Mad Madonna the comedian

This is hilarious. Much like Scientology, it’s either another WTF? Fallacy or a hoax:

Madonna and her husband, Guy Ritchie, have been lobbying the British Government and nuclear industry over a magic cleaning solution.

"It was like a crank call ... the scientific mechanisms and principles were just bollocks, basically," one official said.

...The Kabbalah Centre, which is based in California, believes water is a uniquely important substance that can be given magic healing powers through "meditations and the consciousness of sharing".

...her campaign became bogged down by Whitehall bureaucracy. "It was a case of pass the parcel," the public servant said.

The lobbying, which took place a few years ago, was part of a campaign by Madonna, who saw it as her mission to rid the world of nuclear waste...

"I mean, one of the biggest problems that exists right now in the world is nuclear waste," she said. "That's something I've been involved with for a while with a group of scientists - finding a way to neutralise radiation, believe it or not."

It gets better:

The Kabbalah Centre... was set up by Philip Berg, a former insurance salesman. [That should ring the alarm bells - apologies to insurance salespeople reading this cheap shot.] One devotee has described how Berg leads chants of "Chernobyl" and the names of other nuclear power plants. Followers believe this helps "heal the problem of nuclear waste".

Undercover reporters who attended a Kabbalah Centre dinner in London described how Madonna and Ritchie were among guests who turned east towards Chernobyl and began shouting its name.

That had me laughing, however this is hysterical:

Madonna has said: "According to science, we aren't going to have a planet in about 50 years at the rate we're going with nuclear waste.”

"I can write the greatest songs and make the most fabulous films and be a fashion icon and conquer the world, but if there isn't a world to conquer, what's the point?”

What an admirable aim. (Though completely implausible - Madonna, make the most fabulous films etc? Hasn’t she ever watched her own work? Ha, ha, ha...)

But how to do this exactly?

The Kabbalah Centre is believed to have sponsored Oroz, a "23rd-century" research body in New York that heralded a "breakthrough" in neutralising radioactive waste.

23rd-century? Amazing, I know. But wait, there’s more:

Artur Spokojny, the director of Oroz and a Kabbalah follower, is said to have developed a "revolutionary" decontamination agent called Orodyne, which can reportedly also treat gynaecological problems in cows and sheep.

I wasn’t aware that cattle could have radioactive vaginas?

Only 50 years left for the Earth... a fairly urgent campaign should be stepped up somewhat I'd imagine? What do you think Madonna?

Madonna was not available to comment at the weekend because she is on tour in Germany.

How about you Guy?

A spokeswoman said: "I've spoken to Guy's office and I don't think he is going to be available to talk about this ... I don't think it's top of the list of things they are working on at the moment."

Perhaps I'm being unfair? From the photo we can see that even on tour Madonna is doing her bit. She is grimacing with concentration, directing her "vibes" down through the Earth towards Pennsylvania, yelling, "Three Mile Island! Three Mile Island!"
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Hat tip Ben

Tags: Fallacy, Skepticism, WTF?, Madonna.

Will no-one take offence out there any more?

I haven't created a post which has really offended a substantial number of people for a long time. I hope this one will do it. I lifted the following from an email which has been doing the rounds recently. I edited it somewhat for brevity and I can't attribute because it is now too remote from its source to track it back. The text is nicely satirical, and raises the general issue of the failure of the more sanctimonious among us to actually accept the burden of solution. It also has a go at weasel words. It purports to be a letter from the Whitehouse to a concerned American citizen.

Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our treatment of the Taliban and Al Quaeda detainees currently being held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinion was heard loud and clear here in Washington. You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like yourself, we are creating a new division of the Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the "Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers" program, or LARK for short.

In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to place one terrorist under your personal care. Your personal detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence next Monday... he is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of complaint. It will likely be necessary for you to hire some well-armed assistant carers.

Although your insurgent is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his "attitudinal problem" will help him overcome these character flaws. Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences. We understand that you plan to offer counseling and home schooling. Your adopted terrorist (oops, "freedom fighter") is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these skills at your next yoga group. He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him.

Your insurgent will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (except sexually), since he views females as sub-human. This is a particularly sensitive subject for him and he has been known to show violent tendencies and ungovernable lust around women who fail to comply with the new dress code that he will mandate as more appropriate attire. I'm sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity and reduced incidence of sexual assault offered by the burka over time.

Just remember that it is all part of "respecting his culture and his religious beliefs" -- wasn't that how you put it? Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job. You take good care of your insurgent - Good luck! Cordially, your friend, Don Rumsfeld. (PS, if you don't take up this offer, I'm afraid we'll be forced to send you a Frenchman.)
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Tags: Skepticism, Fallacy, Burden of Proof, Weasel Words.

Pig becomes an even more "wonderful, magical animal"

… than Homer Simpson could have ever imagined.

Indeed, the humble pig is now a part of this, "live art performance involving a naked woman cradling a dead pig for four hours."

Sheer genius. We love modern artists and the Special Pleading of the galleries that show them.

The "artist" O'Reilly calls the performance:

…a slow crushing dance with a pig for one person at a time. …The work left me with an undercurrent of pigginess, unexpected fantasies of mergence and interspecies metamorphoses began to flicker into my consciousness.

All I can say is WTF? Literally, a LAME claim.

Maybe I can become a modern "live" artist. I might exhume a few graves and do the tango with various corpses. Or maybe some break-dancing. My show will be a little more up-tempo and lively than hers - Weekend at Bernie's style. I'll call my performance:

…a laugh a minute gag-fest of marionette style dancing with a corpse, for as many people as I can charge to watch it.

Then again, I've got a real job, so I don't qualify as an artist, as a PETA rep says:

As Miss O'Reilly seems to depend on the shock of using a murdered pig as a prop, perhaps lacking the talent to make it as a proper artist, may we suggest she take up a day job instead to pay the bills.

Apparently she got the idea for using an old dead sow in her art when looking in a mirror.

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Via J. F. Beck.

Tags: Fallacy, WTF?, LAME claim, Art.

A strawsteyn

More False Positioning from another left-winger. That's two in a row (here's the 1st). (Someone send me a fallacy from a right-winger please.)

This one comes from a man prepared to stab his own family in the back for publicity, the always sneering "journo" Antony Loewenstein. He claims this about columnist Mark Steyn's address at The Centre for Independent Studies event in Sydney, the Big Ideas Forum:

He lovingly recalled English imperialism and its attitude towards the natives. They at least realised that some cultures were superior to others, Steyn said.

But as J. F. Beck points out, Steyn actually said:

Two hundred years ago, in a more culturally confident age, the British in India were faced with the practice of Sati—that’s the tradition of burning widows on the funeral pyres of their husband. General Sir Charles Napier was impeccably multicultural. He said: ‘You say that it’s your custom to burn widows, very well. We also have a custom. When men burn a woman alive, we tie a rope around their neck and we hang them. Build your funeral pyre; beside it my carpenters will build a gallows; you may follow your custom, then we will follow ours.’ As it happens, my wife’s uncle was named after General Napier which I guess makes me a British Imperialist by marriage. But India today is better off without Sati. And what’s so strange about the times we live in is that even to say that is to invite accusations of cultural supremacy. If you don’t agree that India is better off without Sati, if you think that’s just dead white-male-euro-centricism, fine, but I don’t think you really do believe that. Non-judgemental multiculturalism, cultural relativism, is an obvious fraud and I think it’s subliminally accepted on that basis.

Beck then draws this conclusion:

Steyn's citing of cultural change forced by hanging is hardly a loving recollection. Perhaps Loewenstein subscribes to a non-interventionist policy that would see widows cremated alive with their dead husbands.

Same thought crossed my mind.
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Tags: Skepticism, Fallacy, Strawman, False Positioning.

Stinking up history with excreta

Here’s some of what the Prime Minister has to say about the Government’s agenda in re teaching Australian history:

The Government’s purpose... is that we do want to bring about a renaissance of both interest in and understanding of Australian history and that must involve a greater focus on the disciplined teaching and understanding of history in Australian schools. My assessment is that it varies enormously around the country. Some parts of Australia, the school curriculum has a welcome emphasis, in other parts I don’t believe it does. I want to make it very clear that we are not seeking some kind of official version of Australian history. We’re not seeking some kind of nostalgic return to a particular version of Australian history, although I do not believe, and the Government does not believe, that you can have any sensible understanding, and therefore any sensible debate, about different opinions of Australian history unless you have some narrative and method in the comprehension and understanding of history.

He continues:

I don’t think you can have a proper teaching and comprehension of Australian history, of course, without having a proper understanding of indigenous history and the contribution of the indigenous experience to Australia’s development and the Australian story. Equally I don’t believe that you can have a proper understanding of Australian history without some understanding of those movements and attitudes and values and traditions of other countries that had an influence on the formation of Australia. And obviously we need an understanding of those institutions we inherited from the British and the other European influences on Australia. We need to understand the influence of religion in the formation of attitudes and development in Australia. We obviously have to see Australia as heavily influenced by the western intellectual position, the Enlightenment and all that’s associated with it. And I think we also have to appreciate the impact on Australia of the various economic developments and the changes in economic history, the influence of the industrial revolution and various broad economic theories that have shaped the modern Australia.

Now I don’t think that amounts for a moment to any kind of authorised version of Australian history. I think it amounts to, in the Government’s view, a commonsense belief that we do need to understand all of those things to have a proper understanding of what did occur and what influences have shaped the modern day Australia.

He goes on to explain why:

But I don’t know how we can intelligently argue our different points of view about what the modern Australia is or what the future Australia should be without having a proper, orthodox understanding. Orthodox in the sense of properly instructed and according to some kind of coherent narrative. Unless we have that, I don’t think we can have a proper understanding of our present.

A pretty well rounded and inclusive history, IMHO. But then why am I posting this? Why is the title of the post about excrement? Well I came across the PM’s speech via this impressive analysis by Anonymous Lefty:

Alright, students, in history class today we'll be learning about the Gold Rush and Federation...

There was a gold rush in the 1850s. Many people from around the world emigrated to Australia to places like Ballarat and Bendigo to dig for gold. There was an incident called the Eureka Rebellion in 1854. Some miners rebelled against the government, and they were caught and charged.

Why did they rebel?

Sorry, that's an "issue" or a "mood" and is irrelevant to the study of history.

Moving on, nothing much then happened until 1st January 1901 (WRITE THAT DATE DOWN), when all the Australian colonies joined together to form a federal Commonwealth. The first Prime Minister was Edmund Barton (WRITE THAT NAME DOWN).

Why did it take 113 years to form a single nation? What were the issues which pushed them to finally get around to it?

Look, stop trying to be smart. You know perfectly well that those are also "issues" and "moods". Stop asking irrelevant questions. I promise you they won't be on the test. Do you want to go to recess or have me talk more about federation?

...Next class we'll be talking about the first World War (we fought Germany and were heroic), the second World War (we fought Germany and Japan and were heroic), the Vietnam War (we fought communists and were heroic), and Donald Bradman (he played cricket against England and was heroic).

Here's a list of dates and names for you to memorise in the meantime. But don't let me catch you thinking about them. You know what that leads to.

Godless communism and watching the ABC, sir?

Exactly. Class dismissed.

The post title should now be apparent. This “argument” is so far beyond a Strawman that it needs another name. I propose Steaming Nard.*

Maybe I’m being overly harsh? Perhaps Mr Lefty is just trying to be funny? Satirical even? Ha, ha, ha, ha... how witty.

Update: Apparently I've strawmanned Mr Lefty by not including this part of the PM's speech:

How we can just teach issues and study moods and fashions in history rather than comprehend and teach the narrative, have a narrative, has always escaped me.

Because this is what Mr Lefty is responding to…

Surely putting this in (which Mr Lefty has based his post on - apparently this one sentence will be the basis of a national history curriculum) adds to my point?

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* Note that "nard" is slang particular to my locale - I'll let the reader deduce the meaning.

Tags: Skepticism, Fallacy, Strawman, False Positioning.

Words worth espousing - discombobulate

From the Oxford Dictionary of English:

Discombobulate. verb [with obj.] humorous,: chiefly N. Amer. disconcert or confuse (someone): [as adj.] (discombobulated) "he is looking a little pained and discombobulated". -ORIGIN mid 19th cent.: probably based on discompose or discomfit.

I was quite discombobulated on hearing the word "discombobulate" for the first time (specifically, by Stephen J Gould in the documentary series Evolution). And I frequently enjoy discombobulating others by using the word discombobulate.

More moronic memes

Got this one last night (from someone who should know better). An email meme (Factoid Propagation) so moronic it's out of this world:

The non-forwarded part of the email, laughingly began:

If you haven't seen this as a science teacher its [sic] not to be missed

Nice intention, sure. But that's no excuse for credulity.

Here's a summary of the forwarded crapola:

The Red Planet is about to be spectacular…

Earth is catching up with Mars [for] the closest approach between the two planets in recorded history…

On August 27th … Mars will look as large as the full moon….

NO ONE ALIVE TODAY WILL EVER SEE THIS AGAIN.

The gist of my reply:

…as one of many credulous [expletives deleted] who enjoys forwarding spam email, you should see this:
http://www.hoax-slayer.com/mars-earth-close.html, or this, http://www.abc.net.au/science/news/stories/s1446143.htm, or this, http://urbanlegends.about.com/library/bl_mars_encounter_2006.htm, or this, http://science.nasa.gov/headlines/y2005/07jul_marshoax.htm.

These were all found in about 0.22 seconds thanks to this google search http://www.google.com.au/search?sourceid=navclient-ff&ie=UTF-8&rls=GGGL,GGGL:2006-24,GGGL:en&q=mars+email+hoax

Mars as big as the moon! Come on... you should feel somewhat embarrassed.

Sorry if I've been somewhat supercilious and forthright, but chain emails [expletives deleted].

Rule of thumb - If it's a forwarded email, it's almost certainly crap and you should delete it immediately. Then send a vitriolic email to the person who sent it to you (as I am doing). They'll get the message that we all waste enough time downloading random spam as it is. We don't need people we know going out of their way to waste more of our time (and data usage) by sending us contemptible crap.

Ps - I just saw that you got it from someone who is going to teach it! This scares me no end. There is enough ignorance and credulity in the world as it is. We don't need to teach people this; it comes naturally. Please do this right thing and set them straight.

Reading the linked explanations above, it's possible to see how the email evolved into a hoax. Here's a good story about internet/email hoaxes.
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Tagged - Fallacy, Skepticism, Factoid Propagation.

Best blonde joke ever

A ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain in a small town. He's going through his usual run of off-colour and "dumb blonde" jokes, when a well-presented blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and shouts:

"I've heard just about enough of your stupid blonde jokes you jerk!"

"What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What connection can a person's hair colour possibly have with their fundamental worth as a human being?"

"It's morons like you that prevent women like myself from being respected at work and in our communities and from reaching our full potential... because you and your anachronistic kind continue to perpetuate negative images against not only blondes, but women in general, for the sake of cheap laughs."

"You are a pathetic relic of the past, and what you do is not only contrary to discrimination laws in every civilised country, it is deeply offensive to people with modern sensibilities and basic respect for their fellow citizens. You should hang your head in shame, you pusillanimous little maggot."

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologise, when the blonde yells:

"You stay out of this Mister! I'm talking to that little bastard on your knee!"

Schopenhaeur - inspiration for a popular bumper sticker

We all know and appreciate the pithy and profound bumper sticker:

SH*T HAPPENS

But Schopenhaeur said it with greater precision, and less profanity a long time ago:

A good supply of resignation is of the first importance in providing for the journey of life. It is a supply which we shall have to extract from disappointed hopes; and the sooner we do it, the better for the rest of the journey.

We need to remember the roots of modern philosophical profundities such as those found on bumper stickers, and give credit where it's due.

The next time I see the bumber sticker in question, I will add the proper attribution, viz: Translation of an original Schopenhaeur aphorism. (Actually, from the look of the cranky old sod, I think that "sh*t happens" might have come to his mind before the measured and restrained version he recorded for posterity.)

Living the dream of impotent posturing

Bagging the solutions of others is easy - especially when one asserts the right to not suggest an alternative solution.

In response to this challenge by Tim Blair at Larvatus Prodeo:

Crude though it was, at least Laws proposed that something be done to stop terrorists. Which we never, ever hear from LP types or anyone on the Left — except in the form of utopian Palestinian state concepts.

Come on, leftists! A whole bunch of fundamentalist anti-liberation anti-feminist fellows want you dead. What are you going to do about it? Bitch about Toyota ads?

…commentator Alex shifts the Burden of Solution to the "right":

Tim Blair - blissfully unaware that the policies of the Right (sic) are the best galvanising force terrorists have ever had. Hint - it’s not incumbent upon leftys to propose solutions to fix problems your ideology has created. [sic - the whole thing]

Ah, no Alex. If you think someone's idea of how to fix something is wrong, you either have to provide an alternative solution, or at the very least, have the honesty to say you have no idea.

Thanks for such a clear example of a fallacy though. (And it's "lefties" btw.)

(Also, note that LP author Mark, in the original entry, means "raises the question" rather than "begs the question".)

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Tags: skepticism, fallacy, burden of solution.

Via - Tim Blair

Best of Humbug! Online

We've been posting regularly since December 2005, so we've a bit of material now. With that in mind, we thought it would be good to have a "best of" section for the blog. By "best of" I mean the most humorous (IMHO):

• Mad Madonna the comedian
• Amazing optical illusion
• One size fits all report comment
  
• Alien mind control
• Special pleading and arts wankers
• The Chuck Norris Bridge
• Pithy and ironic aphorisms on some fallacies in thinking
• Fake Moon landings - another line of evidence
• Spooked911 Moon landing faked!
• WTF? Fallacy of the year
• Global warming causes my clothes to dry quicker
• Evil brainteaser
• Creative Ways to Break Off Fruitless Interactions
• I See Humbug Everywhere - even at the hairdressers and the coffee shop
• WTF? Fallacy and Scientology
• I See Bigoted People
  
• Scientific breakthrough in genetics
• It All Balances Out In the End
• Michael Moore Finally Reveals the Awful Truth
• Fake but True an Argument by Artifice
• 9-11 Conspiracy theorist - Part 2
• Discombobulated by Deleuze, I was left dazed and confused
• Michael Moore denies he has pseudologia fantastica…
• Germaine Greer, Original Inspiration for the LAME Claim Fallacy
• Haiku - an Ode to Phillip Adams
  

Alien mind control

We are in the middle of a telepathic war with alien invaders. However, it is possible to defend oneself with the appropriate technology:

The "thought screen helmet" is our only defense in a "telepathic war." I call this device a "thought screen helmet" because it prevents aliens from performing any kind of mental control over us It blocks out all alien thought so humans can no longer be manipulated or controlled, and it prevents aliens from completing mental communication with us so people cannot be abducted.

The helmet from Stop Alien Abductions (as worn by abductee Jon Locke - pictured) costs you $35 (US) to build, but as they say, it is essential if we are to win the telepathic war against the alien invaders. With that in mind, I though it prudent for me to create my own version of their model. I intended it to with a cheaper, but nonetheless, effective helmet of my own. It is made with electrical tape and an ice cream container.



However, as can be seen from the slide show above, it didn't really work. Last night an alien (or rather, Extra-Terrestrial) simply pulled the helmet off my head. I was then "sucked" through a black hole (to another dimension) where the aliens did unspeakable things to me. They then returned me to the Earth and I woke up in my bed, as if nothing had happened. I've obviously repressed my memory of the experience, but that's okay by me. I never want to speak of it again. (Unless a psychoanalyst charges me by the hour of course.)

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Tagged - UFO, Alien, Skepticism.

Hat Tip - L>T for the link.

Words worth espousing - bloviate

In honour of Jef's Cartoon entry for the Rotary Cartoon Awards, my choice for a word worth espousing is dictionary dot com's Word of the Day for June 22, 2001 - "bloviate":

To discourse at length in a pompous or boastful manner.

The great thing about the word is that one is always using it ironically (intentionally or not). By definition, if you use the word "bloviate" in a discussion, no doubt you are in the middle of bloviation yourself. After all, people only use esoteric verbiage and discombobulating locutions in order to sound smarter than they really are.

I tend to find that I am more prone to bombastic oration rather than bloviation.

Carnival of Satire 44

The Carnival of Satire 44 hosted by the skwib has linked to my moon landing experiment. It’s nice when a post takes on a life of its own.

Are the Rotary Cartoon Awards fixed?

The Annual Rotary Cartoon Awards are said by the organisers to be the premier awards for Australian cartoonists and caricaturists. I have been aware of their claims for a number of years, but I have never tested them. This year I have entered a reworked caricature of Phillip Adams, prominent Australian windbag (the original is vastly better than the scanned version to the left - file size has to be kept down for the blog).

If I win an award, clearly the claims of the Rotary people to the prestige of their competion are validated. If I do not win an award, the judges are clearly stupid, corrupt or biased (or even perhaps all three).

Of course, if I don't win an award, I won't mention it on this blog or anywhere else. (If I do, you'll never hear the end of it.)

Email memes

I received this email last week - a Propagation of a ridiculous Factoid, based on a wholly False Attribution:

FYI
Lipstick Alert!!!!!!!!!!!!

If there is a female you care anything about, share this with her. I did!!!!! I am also sharing this with the males on my email list, because they need to tell the females THEY care about as well!

Recently a brand called "Red Earth" decreased their prices from $67 to $9.90. It contained lead. Lead is a chemical which causes cancer. The Brands which contain lead are: 1. CHRISTIAN DIOR 2. LANCOME 3. CLINIQUE 4. Y.S.L 5. ESTEE LAUDER 6. SHISEIDO 7. RED EARTH (Lip Gloss) 8. CHANEL (Lip Conditioner) 9. MARKET AMERICA-MOTNES LIPSTICK.

The higher the lead content, the greater the chance of causing cancer. After doing a test on lipsticks, it was found that the Y.S.L. lipstick contained the most amount of lead. Watch out for those lipsticks which are supposed to stay longer. If your lipstick stays longer, it is because of the higher content of lead.

Here is the test you can do yourself:

1. Put some lipstick on your hand.
2. Use a Gold ring to scratch on the lipstick.
3. If the lipstick color changes to black then you know the lipstick contains lead.

Please send this information to all your girlfriends, wives and female family members. This information is being circulated at Walter Reed Army Medical Center. Dioxin Carcinogens causes cancer, especially breast cancer.

Surprisingly, it's a hoax! Who'd a thunk it?

There are many points I could make about the obvious stupidity of such a claim (eg, long term exposure to lead might cause cancer, but that's the least of your health worries). However, I won't bother and assume readers of this blog wouldn't be silly enough to believe such an obvious (and potentially libellous) fraud.

Ps - if you even suspect an email might be a hoax - then it is. Just "google it" and you'll find your answer.

Pps - did you know they've taken the word "credulous" out of the dictionary?

Ppps - here's another test you can do yourself: 1) Put some lipstick on your knuckles. 2) Punch yourself on the side of the head. 3) Clean you knuckles of lipstick. 4) Punch the same spot - if you did your knuckles should be covered in lipstick again. 5) Repeat.

Did you do it? If yes, the test proved you're quite stupid. If you followed step 4 and then 5, chances are you are very stupid (and now stupider as a result of carrying out the test).

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Tagged - Fallacy, Skepticism, False Attribution, Factoid Propagation.

Oliver Stone, conspiracy nut

Gotta love The Onion - satire beats deep analysis hands down. New Oliver Stone 9/11 Film Introduces 'Single Plane' Theory:

Academy Award-winning director Oliver Stone said Monday that his new film World Trade Center unveils "compelling and controversial" new evidence that a single plane was responsible for all four collisions in New York, Washington, D.C., and Pennsylvania on Sept. 11, 2001.

…In a gripping sequence, undercover agents transmit pre-recorded cell-phone messages intended to fool loved ones and relatives with a false cover story as the aircraft heads to its final, prearranged crash site in the fields of southwestern Pennsylvania.

"After seeing that sequence, there's no way anyone can ever deny again that there was only one plane in the airspace over the eastern seaboard that morning," Stone said.

"I am the most important filmmaker working today," he added.

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Tags: Conspiracy Theories

Words worth espousing - vomitory

According to no less an authority than the OED, a subsidiary meaning of vomitory is a large exit from a room or building which can cope with relatively large numbers leaving a venue. (The primary meaning is what you would expect - relating to or inducing vomiting.)

I am looking forward to using the secondary meaning with great frequency now that I have discovered it. When I conclude my lectures for example, I will invite my students to leave in a quiet and orderly manner via the vomitory at the back of the lecture hall.

If my students find my lectures to be unduly vomitory, they will be invited to leave at any time via the vomitory.

Incidentally, I once asked students in my drug and alcohol course to recall as many euphemisms and metaphors as they could for vomiting brought about by intoxication. Some of the best:

• calling Herb on the porcelain telephone
• liquid laugh
• technicolour yawn
• chunky yodel
• a u-turn lunch

At the risk of lowering the tone of humblog, other euphemisms and metaphors invited in comments.

Skeptic admits travelling with aliens in UFO

As startling as the claim in the title to this post may seem, I know it to be true. For you see, I was that skeptic. This is how it happened. I had to fly from Brisbane to Sydney and back again a few weeks ago. I boarded the aircraft, but I took no notice of its particular configuration, distinctive features etc. To compound my error, I also took no notice of the emergency spiel from the flight attendants, and did not (as instructed) take out the laminated card from the seat pocket to help me locate the emergency exits (the laminated card also always identifies the aircraft).

So I flew in the aircraft, but I did not know (or care) what kind of aircraft it was. So for me, it was, and remains, an Unidentified Flying Object (UFO).

While flying, I did notice some of the passengers talking in languages other than English. Further, some other passengers, while talking in English, were doing so in non-Australian accents. The chances are very good therefore, that some of my fellow-travellers were aliens (i.e. belonging to a foreign country - OED).

So, I literally, and verifiably travelled with aliens in a UFO. But I couldn't interest the newspapers in my story. Go figure.

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Tagged - UFO, Alien, Skepticism.

Special pleading and arts wankers

This cartoon illustrated an article of mine which was published in the Vol. 24 No. 1 issue of the Skeptic (2004).

The pdf of the issue can be downloaded here, but it's very slow on dial-up. Skip ahead to page 16 (where my article starts) if you want to save some scrolling time.

Worth it if you would like a more comprehensive treatment of special pleading... and if you really dislike the pretentiousness of arts wankers.

In the article, I expended about 6000 words in a rant on special pleading in the visual arts. The basic theme was that we mere mortals shouldn't be intimidated by arts wankers when expressing disdain for poor artwork, as the arts priesthood typically engages in extremely transparent special pleading (an informal logical fallacy) in order to protect their privileged positions. They engage in pretence and mutual onanistic gratification, which in most cases doesn't stand up to any sort of objecive scrutiny by the skeptical outsider.

I am posting this old cartoon of mine here to illustrate a nice passage from one of my favourite authors, Paul Theroux, which takes a pithy skeptical line on the same issue. It is from his travel book The Pillars of Hercules (p. 391). He describes a visit to a museum of art, and comments on one work in the following terms: "... and the last resort of the artist barren of imagination, broken crockery glued to plywood... - perhaps the splinters and shards of the very plates the artist's spouse had flung in frustration, crying, 'why don't you get a job!'."

He then says that we have "all been in such art museums and said, 'It makes me mad.' And then been told by the ludicrous supporters of such junk, 'That's good. It's supposed to make you mad.'"

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Tagged - Fallacy, Skepticism, Special Pleading.

Template stuff up

Doh! - I just deleted a whole lot of html code from the blogger template for humbugonline. Don't ask me how... It'll be a day or two until I get it back to it's exact previous form.

Update (11:50 pm) - I was being somewhat pessimistic. It's fixed.

Barnaby's Analogy fits….

…about as well as Roseanne Barr would fit into Kate Moss's thong, not at all.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for inquiries into petrol prices. however National Senator Barnarby Joyce might need to come up with a better argument than this False Analogy:

Nationals Senator Barnaby Joyce has ridiculed an assertion from the competition watchdog that neighbouring service stations putting up their prices at the same time is not necessarily collusion...

"It's like saying two people who break into a bank who happen to be there at the same time both in the safe at the same time are not colluding, I mean obviously they are," he said.

No, it's not really like saying that. His simile is as close to being accurate as stating: “Paris Hilton is one classy lady”.

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Tagged - Fallacy, Skepticism, False Analogy.

The Chuck Norris Bridge

I decided to embrace my Hungarian heritage today, when I read this story:

A new bridge in Hungary could be named after the action film actor Chuck Norris after officials left the naming to an internet vote.

That's real democracy - a timeless choice. Here’s a few little known facts about Chuck Norris:

• When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
• There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
• Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
• Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
• Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
• There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
• There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
• Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
• Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
• Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
• When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
• The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
• Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
• Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
• What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
• Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
• Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
• Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
• Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
• Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
• Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
• Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
• Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"
• Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
• In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
• When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
  
• Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
  

The 40th Skeptics' Circle

The 40th skeptics’ circle is up and running - enjoy.

Words worth espousing - "babblatrice"

It distresses me beyond measure that I cannot recall where I first read or heard this word. Even a google search failed to turn up one instance. It is not my own coinage, but ever since I read it, or heard it, I use it often, and would like to think that it will one day gain currency. A babblatrice is of course a woman who talks a great deal without saying anything of worth. Very handy, and challenging to those who hate gender-specific words (another reason it should be vigorously espoused). Commenters who may know of its origins, please let me know and I will update this post with an attribution. Offended commenters might like to try coining an equally insulting word which could be used to denigrate babbling males (Chomsky is already taken - sorry!).

UPDATE: by the bye, one can have a lot of fun with the generation of gender-balancing words in the cause of political correctness. The best known of course is Woman-hole (or person-hole) to balance the orthodox and time-honoured man-hole. (I don't know what it is, but one can't say "woman-hole" with the same degree of insouciance as one can say "man-hole".) Another amusing one is the gender-neutral "fishers" to replace "fishermen". It's wonderful watching the facial contortions of TV presenters when they try to differentiate between "fishers" and "fishes" as they read a (politically correctly phrased) fish story. Did the fishes eat the fishes (the normal food chain); or did the fishers eat the fishes (what one would expect, unless the fishers sold the fishes to the fish-shop); or did the fishes eat the fishers (as in the movie Jaws - clearly this would be a big story in the "man bites dog" genre)? Or... did the fishers eat the fishers (cannibalism on the high seas - an even bigger story.)?

Words worth espousing - "quanked"

This archaic, endangered and highly regional English word simply must be brought into common parlance. It's just too valuable to disappear. "Quanked - overpowered by fatigue" source: Dartnell and Goddard (1893). A glossary of Words Used in the County of Wiltshire (in Kacirk's Word Museum). It's just so useful when the more confronting word and its participles are normally used. "I'm completely quanked" sounds just so right. "I'm completely quanking quanked". Pithy, two participles from the same root (pun intended).

Well, off to bed now, or I'll be too quanked in the morning to be any good to anybody.

Words worth espousing - "backsters"

From time to time I will post here under a stem-heading "Words worth" (espousing). Not the poet Wordsworth you understand, but the notion. The notion that some words are worth preserving, honouring, espousing, resurrecting, promoting etc before they disappear altogether. Backsters are "wide, flat pieces of board, which are strapped on the feet, and used to walk over loose beach on the coasts of Kent and East Sussex..." (ref: The word museum, Jeffrey Kacirk). I intend to travel to Britain this (European) winter, with the intention of asking for some backsters in a sporting goods store in Kent. If the serving person is puzzled, I will express indignation that while such a perfectly good word has been preserved with complete fidelity in Australian English, it has been shamefully neglected in its original home.