Sunday, August 27, 2006

One size fits all report comment

For all you teachers out there (especially newbies), feel free to use this for all your reports next reporting period. It covers 99% of the kids out there in 90% of subjects*, and it says everything and nothing at the same time (I love tautological-redundancy-repetitions in particular):

Your child has participated in this subject. Your child's results are indicative of a level of achievement. Your child has a disposition and behaviour particular to themself. These two factors were key to your child's progress in this subject this reporting period and will continue to be key for the next. It is not unreasonable to assume your child's results could possibly be improved through extra study and revision of class work. Teaching your child brings me professional satisfaction.

* Did you know that fully 34% of statistics are made up on the spot, and 86% of people believe them? Fools! Not only this, by a strange fluke, 8% of the made up stats turn out to be true on further investigation! This means that there is a 68.72% chance that the stats I gave above are actually correct, assuming you have no way of knowing if I'm in the aforementioned 34%… 14% of you don't believe me, I know. It's a great (read: dodgy) way to win an argument though.