Friday, August 04, 2006

The Chuck Norris Bridge

I decided to embrace my Hungarian heritage today, when I read this story:

A new bridge in Hungary could be named after the action film actor Chuck Norris after officials left the naming to an internet vote.

That's real democracy - a timeless choice. Here’s a few little known facts about Chuck Norris:
  • When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
  • There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
  • Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
  • Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
  • Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
  • There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
  • There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
  • Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
  • Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
  • When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
  • The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
  • Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
  • Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
  • What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
  • Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
  • Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
  • Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
  • Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
  • Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
  • Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
  • Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"
  • Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
  • In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
  • When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
  • Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.