Thursday, October 19, 2006

Bumper stickers

On the way home from work I had to put up with quite a few moronic and tautological bumper stickers. For example, my old favourite: Girls can do anything! (Anything except remember the fact that they can do anything, hence the need for the sticker. Also, does "anything" include pee while standing up without making a mess? I'm aware a lot of men are incapable of this too btw.) And one I hadn't come across before: The U.S. does not speak for US. (Speak for yourself moron.)

It reminded me of part of our discussion on Argument by Slogan in our book Humbug!:

It is possible for argument by slogan to manifest itself in even more mindless ways. One of the most outstandingly mindless is the mass-produced "bumper sticker". Sloganeering marches may be futile, but at least walking and chanting is a mild form of healthy exercise. Political bumper stickers really only have one message, whatever the actual words on the sticker itself. The message? "I am a clueless poseur and I apparently believe, in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, that an infantile declarative statement stuck on the outside of my car amounts to a persuasive argument. Further, I am so bereft of wit, imagination, initiative and literary skills that I have to purchase the sticker off the shelf, rather than creating one of my own."

We know that this might seem to some to be a harsh judgment. But truth must prevail, even if the truth offends those asinine advocates who are also sticklers for stickers.

Well, here are a few slogans on bumper stickers that meet my approval (via an old email):
  • He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
  • Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
  • A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
  • On the other hand, you have different fingers.
  • Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
  • I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
  • When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
  • Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
  • Honk if you love peace and quiet.
  • Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
  • Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
  • Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
  • The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
  • It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
  • Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.
  • The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
  • A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
  • It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
  • I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.
  • I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
  • Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
Feel free to add others in comments.
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