I've been getting really worried about the spread of swine flu around the world and the lack of progress being made for a vaccine. I want a vaccine now and can't wait for governments to get their respective acts together. Moreover, how can I trust "big pharma" to get the vaccine out on time. In order to make money - which we know is their real motivation - they need the flu to spread and are need people die from it. I have decided to do something about it!
I recently contracted H1N1. While I was ill, I flushed my snotty tissues down the toilet. By now they will have disintergrated and made their way into the Pacific ocean. I haven't calculated the exact dilution of the snot to seawater ratio - but it's got to be close to 15C, surely?
So - if you want to inoculate yourself against the swine flu - just pop in the Pacific Ocean for a quick swim and you'll be right. Give it another couple of weeks and molecules of my swine flu ridden tissue should have diffused throughout the world's oceans - then everyone will be sorted!
Go me and go Samuel Hahnemann!
4 comments:
Too late Theo, all the other swine flu cases have already sent their pestilential exudates down the drain. In the aggregate, they are much too concentrated in the ocean to be efficacious.
I believe there are already homeopathic vaccines for swine flu, and goodness knows they didn't go past the kitchen tap to make up their solution.
Ah, but Sean, think of the water cycle. Black death, bodies thrown into the Thames. Bodies decompose and mix with seawater, seawater evaporates and forms clouds (many times over). Molecules gradually disperse to the Tasman Sea, evaporate again and find way into tapwater. Tapwater drunk, thus inoculating population. AND... no BLACK DEATH IN OZ!!!
All the points made above are good.
Plan B: Swine Flu Party. I'll have a party with people who have swine flu, so I catch swine flu. That way I won't get swine flu when I come into contact with swine flu, because I'll have natural immunity to swine flu from already having had swine flu... oh, wait. WTF?
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